I am smart. Not like crazy genius smart, but people often tell me I am one of the smartest people they know. To which I tell them they need to meet more people. Yay right? Well yes sometimes it is nice being intelligent, other times like when you break your computer not so much. I joke but it is true being the smartest person in the room means that you are surrounded by morons. Yet, it really is hard sometimes, don’t get me wrong I am not complaining but rather acknowledging every advantage has some disadvantages. My book budget is a good percentage of my annual income. I still have no idea to learn who any of the House Wives are. I get impatient with people who don’t catch on to things as quickly.. But more than anything I get bored easily if I am not challenged but since things usually come so easily to me, I cannot comprehend when something doesn’t just click. Clearly I don’t understand what it is I am supposed to be learning, but I don’t understand why I don’t understand it. If I am smart as people say, why should anything seem hard?? Yes, this is the problem with having things come easily, when they don’t the world doesn’t seem right…
A great example of this is music. My dad is an excellent guitar player, like pretty amazing actually. And when I was young he tried to teach me. But it always felt like taking painting lessons from Picasso. He is just so good, it felt like why bother?? And though I gave it go, I quickly resigned my guitar to a permanent fixture in the corner. Plus I didn’t see amazing virtuoso progress in my attempts to play. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand it, it was that I didn’t understand and master it with lightning speed. Even recently when I received a violin, I somewhat expected to be able to pick it up and just play. Yes, I know this is unrealistic, but it goes back to me not understanding why something should be hard… And this is where I get super frustrated with myself, and cue the tears.
Yesterday, I was chatting with my rabbi on facebook when I mentioned this, and he reminded me not to be so hard on myself. We all learn things in different way, and different speeds. But surely some things I am just slow at right?? Yes, there are some things I am just slow at, we all are. Some things cannot be learned overnight , some things require time and practice. And like everyone else I need to grasp this fact as hard as it may be. I am not superwoman or a savant, smart yes but human. And so while I am grateful that I learn most things quickly, I need to not let it deter the things that are hard. And while there are many virtuosos who play there, the best way to get to Carnegie Hall….practice.