A very personal post.

A very personal post…

I have been writing this blog on and off for three years, and I have been wondering lately if I should stop. Not because I don’t enjoy it, because I greatly do but I wonder if my focus on Israel is a bit detrimental. I will explain. I can’t emphasize how much I loved my time in Israel but now I am here, in Nowhere, Indiana. There is no one to speak Hebrew with, there is only mediocre falafel and most people couldn’t find Israel on a map. Even my grandma confuses Saudi Arabia and Israel, seriously.

I am not saying I am not passionate about it, but I have no intentions of making aliyah. I have always said I am not brave enough to do it alone, and since I have no family there, well you get the point.

So I feel like I am straddling two worlds. My brother-in-law, who keeps a wonderful blog about England and his love for it, he understands this. He really is an inspiration as he has managed to turn his passion into a full time career. But I haven’t been able to do that. It as if my heart is there but I am here, and I know I am not going back imminently but I can’t be fully invested here.

When I moved home from Israel nearly everything I owned fit into one suitcase, it is two years later and the same is true. I don’t buy curtains, you are welcome neighbors, because then I am somehow truly committed to my life here.

So what is a girl to do? Try to learn to love something else? Is that even possible? I have heard you can’t control who or what you love and you are not supposed to…but love affairs usually end badly.

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4 responses to “A very personal post.

  1. When I moved to Chicago 9 years ago, I thought it would be for no more than two years, and I left most of my possessions behind. After a couple of years, I still had not that many possessions, though it was finally dawning on my I loved the place and wanted to buy things again–to fill out my long-term existence here.

    I think your lack of possessions is a hint. I didn’t know many (nearly any) people when I moved to Chicago. Now, I am deeply in love with the place. That doesn’t mean I’m telling you to take the plunge and move to Israel. But it doesn’t mean I’m not either.

    But unless where you are now is where you want to be forever, perhaps counting the years ahead and years behind (like I did) and deciding where you want to spend the years ahead might be of help.

    Or you could just move to Chicago ;-)

  2. Sorry to derail with the first post, but what’s the brother-in-law’s blog, if you don’t mind my asking? I’m an Anglophile myself. I would’ve emailed you, but I don’t see an email on your site at all.

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